Did Mozart know he was writing
music that will make you smarter?
Or how studies would claim
just being within earshot
of “Two Pianos in D Major”
is equal to reading two volumes
of standard encyclopedias?
That one can measure
improved cognitive abilities
with the passing of measures
is truly immeasurable.
And here I am in the Wendy’s drive-thru
as the classical station plays one of Wolfgang’s
most famous concertos.
It’s an instantly recognizable piece,
flashy, dance-like movement
both forceful and elegant.
It hits me with a jolt—the long dead
circuitry of my brain’s main breaker,
the entire housing unit
of misfired synapses
finally fit with newer fuses
like a rebooted powerhouse.
I feel the points of my IQ rising.
A grand swell of violins
hands me an honorary degree
that was signed by a wonderful wizard.
I, brainless scarecrow,
am now able to square the hypotenuse
of a right triangle
that is equal to the sum
of the remaining sides.
Suddenly a quadruple
two thousand calorie cheeseburger
combo meal with upsized fries
no longer seems intelligent.
I swerve smartly out of line
with some kind of kale
meets plant-based chicken salad in mind.
Kale to the yes!
I yell this as I pull away
to begin a new life with farm-fresh genius—
except that the host
of this classical broadcast
which has recently enlightened me
just revealed that I was listening
to that beef-witted Beethoven.
So never mind.