to the small room where I can interview him
for a research study on back pain
but his legs don’t work well
which is not an uncommon problem
for guys who served in the Army
when they were teenagers
or in their early 20s
guys whose only options
were factory or minimum wage
or living with their parents forever
and this woman
who was in the Air Force
who has never been
in a research study
but who I see
around the hospital
who I notice
because she is often loud
this woman who was maybe
in a war I missed
and there are a lot of little wars
you realized you’ve missed
once you start working
with the folks who fought
and she sits in the waiting room
and shouts at random vets
her peers, saying “The cunts
have arrived without notice”
until a security guard
who is probably a vet
walks over and says
“Hey, you can’t shout that”
and she’s says
“I’m sorry, I just get pissed”
and instead of arresting her
or berating her for the insults
he plops down in the chair
next to her in the waiting room
like it’s a recliner
and says “No, I get it”
and they start chatting
just like she hadn’t cunt-bashed
the entire room at a volume
that distorted her face
and I finally get my vet
into the room
to start interviewing him
for the research study
guiding him to a chair
then rolling him to a table
then leaning his cane
nearby so he feels safe
and while I pull out the forms
and a pen and couple pieces
of butterscotch hard candy
I offer to all the research
participants because they’re old
and their throats get dry
he reaches across the table
and touches my hand
and says “She’s had it hard”
like he knows her but he doesn’t
and I almost tear up, seeing how
much he cares for her, this woman
who wanted to belittle the world
and that’s the kind of compassion
I’ve been striving for, working for
and failing at for my whole
fucking life.