Second Time Going
My father died on the June morning
of my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary,
and the next year, grief caught me by the throat,
silenced all words but no.
My father died on the June morning
of my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary,
and the next year, grief caught me by the throat,
silenced all words but no.
I tried to explain to the flowers
on the banks of Akerselva
that they honestly had chosen
an awful time to sprout.
A song remains unheard unless it passes
through some body’s throat. This morning
I watched a wren nibble apart a beetle
and digest it into birdsong.
Amazon, anile, babe, bag, banshee, battle-axe, bimbo, bint, bird, bitch, broad, butch, buxom, cat lady, chaste, chick, crone, cougar, crumpet, cunt, cutie, dame, dish, dog, dyke, emasculator, enchantress, fanny, femme, fishy, floozy, flirt …
What you found was not what you sought.
What you loved was not what you thought.
Do I look scrawny? Elizabeth asked, on her miserable Parkinson’s diet,
no more foods she loved, she wasn’t supposed to drink
but she was drinking a little, red wine, because you can’t forgo everything,
and you can’t secrete a protective layer like a tree frog
or stay still as a cottontail or pretend you’re a stick or rock or flower
to keep yourself safe, the world seeps in no matter what.