“Anyway” by Tony Gloeggler

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Tony Gloeggler

ANYWAY

After we dropped dirt

on my father’s coffin

the long line of cars

drove back to the house.

We stood in circles,

took turns sitting

at the kitchen counter

and ate cold cuts.

My mother introduced me

to all her work friends

as her son, the poet.

One young woman knew

it wasn’t the time or place,

but always wondered why

people wrote poetry. I told her

I hoped to become rich

and famous, fall in and out

of love with multitudes of smart,

beautiful, mixed-up women.

She shook her head, said

maybe I should leave you alone

so you can go somewhere

and write. I didn’t follow

her, didn’t apologize for acting

like an asshole. I walked

upstairs, opened the door

to my old room, looked

for my bed and desk, my stacks

of albums. I wanted to blast

“Darkness on the Edge

of Town,” start writing

in a new notebook. I wanted

my father to pound his fist

on the door, yell turn

that goddamn shit down,

stick his head inside and ask

what are you doing anyway?

I wanted to hand him

my notebook, watch him

sit in his chair, turn on

the lamp and read, slowly,

his forefinger underlining

all the words, his lips

whispering every syllable.

—from Rattle #13, Summer 2000

__________

Tony Gloeggler: “I’m not sure I ever wanted to be a writer or poet—in most ways I feel poetry is elitist and no one I grew up with or work with reads it and too often I can’t convince myself that they’re missing something important. I think writing poetry is just another of those things that always makes me feel like I don’t quite fit in. Like when I was a four-year-old and wore this big heavy leg brace and a huge Frankenstein boot on the other or when I was a superstar schoolyard jock with hair down to my ass or when I was a long hair and never touched any drugs or when I’m the only Caucasian in the group home where I work or I’m a poet who perfectly understands why hardly anyone reads poetry or needs to. Still, I write poetry and it matters a lot to me. I write for myself, though I would love to have a lot of people read my work. But mostly I feel at home when I’m writing, like I’m doing one of the things I’m supposed to do and when I get it right, when a poem is done and I can tell it’s good, well, it just lifts me. It makes me fool myself into believing that I was the only one who could do this, make this poem, and it’s one of those times when sticking out or standing out is all good.” (web)